At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
