I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it because I queefed?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
