So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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