dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
