I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
