OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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