That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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