Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
