The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
