Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
