I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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