Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
