Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's just like the Real World with babies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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