I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
