hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
