all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
