So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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