So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
