i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
