K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
