6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
