the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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