You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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