On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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