you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
