so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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