i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
