Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
