The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
