She said her name was "party"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
