And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
