Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
