they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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