he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I believe in your delicious
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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