Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
