3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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