Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
