Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
