her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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