She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
