ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
