I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
