I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
