I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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