my room smells like sperm. sweet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
