During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
