After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
