Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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