I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
