How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
