Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
