Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
