I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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