I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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