dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
